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Friday, March 06, 2015

The Amazing Things That My Body CAN'T Do

You know, I was recently doing a little bit of rummaging through my closet the other day, and I happened to come across this book.

It's the first volume of the famous "Charlie Brown 'Cyclopedia" - the 1990 edition.  And this was a book series that I loved and that I have talked about in this blog before.  It was a unique series of books that talked about a variety of subjects, but explained them in a way that kids could understand.  And each of the fifteen volumes of the book talked about a cornucopia of topics dealing with animals, outer space, transportation, holidays, clothing, and aviation.

So, why did I post a picture of the first book?  Simple.  The first book was all about the human body and all of the amazing things that it is capable of doing.

And trust me, the human body is a wonderful thing.  Sure, under X-rays, they look like simple skeletons, but on top of that skeleton is a lot of tissue, muscle, and yes, even a little bit of cellulite in some cases.  And each individual human body is capable of doing a lot.

But one thing that I have noticed is that not every body is exactly the same.  There are some things that some people can do that other people cannot. 

And that's what this topic is all about.  While I admit that this piece is going to be mostly from personal experience about things that I admit that I can't do, maybe some of you reading this will be inspired to say "I can't do this either!".

Or at the very least, you can poke fun at me.  Believe me, I've been insulted worse.

So, yes.  While the human body is a wonderful thing capable of doing a lot...these four things are things that were never "programmed" into me at birth.

Yeah, that sounded kind of weird to me too, but I couldn't think of a better way to say it.

1.  I can't snap my fingers.

Chances are that your very first musical instrument were your fingers.  Almost every kid I know could master the art of finger snapping.  And really, it is a great talent to have.  Snapping your fingers can get someone's attention in a pinch.  They help you keep in time with the rhythm when you're trying to sing a song, or keep up with the complicated dance moves in any "Just Dance" game.

But you know what?  In my nearly thirty-four years on this planet, I have never seemed to be able to snap my fingers.  Ever.

I don't know whether it's the way that my skin is, or whether I'm positioning my fingers in the wrong way, but I cannot snap my fingers.

This proved to be not important though, as I have no desire to pursue a career in music (well, unless someone wants to hire me as a lyricist).  But sometimes when I was in school and we played games in music class where we'd have to snap our fingers, and let's just say...I stuck out like a sore thumb.  A sore thumb that could never be snapped.

I'm over it.  Really, I am.

2.  I can't whistle

You know, maybe there's a link to being tone deaf with not being able to whistle, but I never could grasp the concept of whistling.  I know the steps behind whistling.  I know it involves licking your lips, forming your lips together as if you're about to plant a kiss on someone and blowing air through your lips.  If successful, you get a nice soothing sound coming out.  If not, you have me doing my best puffer fish impersonation.  Take it from me.  Not a pretty sight.

3.  I can't roll my "R"'s.

Those of you in Canada probably know what I'm talking about.  For the rest of you, watch this commercial.

Yes, every time that Tim Horton's rolls out their "Roll Up The Rim To Win" promotion, you hear the distinctive RRRRR sound quite often.  And while you're rolling up the rim in hopes of winning a new car but having to settle for a donut instead, you're probably doing that RRRRR sound as you roll it up.

Well, I can't make that RRRRR sound.  There was an episode of "Full House" that aired all the way back in the late 1980s where D.J. nearly fails Spanish, she sends Danny out to get her an "A", and Danny ends up falling in love with D.J.'s Spanish teacher.  The one thing I remember about that episode is Danny attempting to do that RRRRR sound as a way of...well, I don't know if that was his attempt to flirt with the Spanish teacher or what, but I will say this.  Bob Saget's RRRRR is a heck of a lot better than Matthew Turcotte's RRRRR! 

Maybe I'm just tongue tied and don't know it.

4.  I can't skip rope.

I think that "Jump Rope for Heart" is an excellent charity event.  I really do.  I mean, skipping rope the whole day to raise money for heart and stroke awareness is a noble cause.  Unfortunately, every single time I tried to jump rope, I would either get tangled up in the rope, or I would end up falling on the floor.  And while I realize that the "Jump Rope for Heart" event didn't measure athletic ability, I always declined to sign up for it.  It made me sound like a fraud collecting money for the cause only to remember "I can't skip rope!".

Then again, I've never felt as though I had integrity issues.

But you know what?  While our bodies are amazing things, not all of us are built the same way.  It's like a car.  Some cars are capable of doing different things from other cars, but the important thing is that they get us where we want to go.

Human beings are the same way.  Our bodies may all be different, but we wouldn't be who we are without them.

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