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Monday, February 09, 2015

Disturbing Valentine's Day Cards

I did mention that this would be the week where I would do a series of posts leading up to the non-statutory "holiday" known as Valentine's Day.  And I promised that I would be doing pop culture themed blogs in relation to Valentine's Day.

I did NOT promise that I wouldn't be snarky or sarcastic.

Yes, today happens to be FUNNY MONDAY in this week long pop culture look back at Valentine's Day, and since we're on the subject, I thought that we'd have a look at some Valentine's Day cards.

Some rather DISTURBING Valentine's Day cards.

Now, I'm sure that most of you probably remember Valentine's Day at school.  Back in those days there were absolutely no requirements to buy people chocolates, flowers, and diamond rings from Kay or Jared.  Because let's face it.  At that age, most of us still thought the opposite sex had cooties and the only rings we could afford to buy were watermelon, cherry, and blue raspberry Ring Pops from the corner store.

Instead, we all made little boxes for Valentine card storage, and we all bought in little Valentine cards for everyone in the whole class.  I know I took part in this practice, and I purposely gave out the best Valentines for the people who I was friendly with.  The ones who used to pick on me got the ugly ones.

But I wouldn't consider any of the Valentine cards that I bought for my classmates to be disturbing.  How could anyone find DuckTales, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, or Garfield to be disturbing?

Well, I happened to be perusing Pinterest, and happened to find 20 examples of Valentine's Day cards that seem to be quite frightening.  Maybe it has to do with the imagery?  The double entendres?  Or just the fact that anyone who ever sent any of these cards out should immediately get slapped with a restraining order?

These are 20 of the Most Disturbing Valentine's Day Cards ever mailed.

1.  Yep, nothing says "I Love You" quite like dipping a metal bar into a burning hot fire and permanently disfiguring your one and only.

2.  On the positive, I wish I could have found Flintstones Valentine Cards when I was a kid.  That would have been cool.  On the negative side, clubbing your mate over the head with a log is probably not the best way to get a second date.

3.  So, if you love someone, you broil them over a fire?  Sounds legitimate.

4.  I suppose this is a hybrid of a Valentine's Day card/Get Well Soon card.  Not exactly sure why you would want that, but it's nice to know that if you ever needed a card like that, you can purchase this one.

5.  Yeah, I don't trust phallic symbols on a Valentine's Day card.  Too blatantly obvious.

6.  Forget the magic ray.  Does anyone else get creeped out by the fact that our super Valentine's Day hero is pantsless?

7.  I don't know how much fun a Valentine can be after you shoot her/him, but I'm not about to ask him.  He's armed and probably psychotic.

8.  Oh yes, decapitating a bird on Valentine's Day will definitely win her heart. 

9.  I don't think I even need words to explain the disturbing manner of this card!

10.  What did I say about Valentine cards and phallic symbols?

11.  True story.  These Valentines were designed with "Fatal Attraction" star Glenn Close in mind.  Just look into her eyes...if you dare...

12.  I've always wanted to be someone's special dictator...

13.  SPOONING?!?  And these cards were for kids to send to their classmates?  Oh dear...

14.  I don't know what's worse about this one.  The really horrible puns, or the insinuation that a relationship is like a prison sentence!

15.  Nope.  Not even gonna touch this one.


17.  I bet Charlie Brown designed this one.

18.  All you'd really have to do is give him a cat and he'd be yours forever.

19.  I have no idea if this card is even real or not...but ew.  Just ew.

20.  Nothing says "I Love You" quite like giving your lover a card from a discount store.  Love really is priceless...and tasteless. 

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