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Monday, June 22, 2015

Things From The Mushroom Kingdom We Could Use Here

A few years ago, I wrote a piece about Super Mario Brothers, and I came up with the theory that things would be a lot simpler if we had 1-Up Mushrooms around whenever we wanted them.

You know what I mean, right?  Those wonderful green and white mushrooms that allow you to get another chance to complete a level?  Not so much needed in the first couple of worlds of the standard Mario game, but definitely an asset in future Mario levels.

Case in point - World 6 in Super Mario Brothers 3.  The idea to create an ice world was sadistic.  You hear me, Nintendo?  Absolutely sadistic.

Anyway, I was thinking...wouldn't the world be a much better place if we had 1-Up Mushrooms in it?  We would never have to worry about getting sick.  All we have to do is eat one and voila.  Instant recovery.  Worried that you might do something that could kill you?  Keep a 1-Up Mushroom in your pocket, and you instantly get a second chance to try again.

Of course, this is not the world of Mario, and our world has much bigger threats than Goombas, Koopa Paratroopas, Cheep Cheeps, and Bowser and his Koopalings.  In the real world, not even a 1-Up Mushroom is a guarantee for immortality.

But it did get me thinking.  If I could pick ten (and only ten) items from every Super Mario Brothers game ever created, and use them to benefit myself in this crazy wacky world, what ten would I choose?

Obviously, as mentioned above...


But can I come up with nine more Super Mario Accessories that I think we need in this world?

Well, I'll give it my best shot!


This is probably a no-brainer here.  As much as I hate to refer to the lovable Yoshi as a possession, there really are a number of reasons why you need a Yoshi in your life.

Firstly, he's so cute looking, and can come in two sizes.  Large Yoshi and Small Yoshi.  I wouldn't recommend riding on the small one though.  You may hurt him.

Secondly, he comes in a variety of decorative colours to fit your home!  Originally in green, blue, red, and yellow, the release of Super Mario World 2 provided several more colours of Yoshi.  By now, I wouldn't be shocked to hear that there was one Yoshi to match every Crayola crayon colour.

Lastly...he can eat things that are pests.  Wasps, hornets, walking cacti...he can eat it all!  Just don't make him eat fire.  It'll give him heartburn.


Even better than a 1-Up Mushroom as far as I'm concerned, grabbing one of these stars will grant you temporary invincibility!  Having trouble with a schoolyard bully, an annoying neighbour, or an evil feral dog in your backyard?  No problem.  You can get rid of them no problem.

The only con?  Starman powers only last a total of eight seconds.  So, you need to either act quickly or stockpile about ten thousand of them.


Now, blue turtle shells are probably one of the rarest colours of shells to have appeared in Super Mario games.  Their first appearance was in 1990's "Super Mario World".  But they became quite useful in the Super Mario Kart series.

You see, blue turtle shells act as homing devices.  You shoot it, and it will automatically blow up the car that happens to be in first place.  It's a great, but cheap way to win a race.

And the more I think of it, it would be a great way to take care of those motorists who hog the road and who think they own the streets.  Though I'm not a fan of eye for an eye behaviour, the blue turtle shell method is probably the only way they'd learn.

5.  P-WING

I'm not really a fan of heights, and I certainly haven't been on an airplane (I admit that despite the claims that air travel is safe, I still get nervous about the prospect of flying).  If only there were a guaranteed way to fly without having to worry about crashing or falling.

Well, the P-Wing - introduced in Super Mario 3 - allows you to fly through an entire level without worry.  The wings are enchanted and will work as long as you don't willingly crash into anything.  Given how open the skies are, I don't think that would be much of a problem.  Though I would probably have to wear sunglasses to block out the height fear.


No longer will you have to rub two sticks together to create fire.  Just pick one of these and you can start a bonfire in seconds.  Just don't get too close to your house.  You'll burn it down.


This gigantic shell can be considered one of Super Mario RPG: The Legend of The Seven Stars' ultimate weapons.  It definitely packs a major punch if kicked correctly.

It can also take out any enemy that crosses your path.  Could make walking down the streets of dangerous neighbourhoods a lot safer.


Wouldn't paying your bills be so much easier if these things were randomly scattered around the world? 


Made popular in Super Mario 3, warp whistles can magically take Mario from one world to another.  In the game, it can help Mario defeat Bowser quicker by bypassing some of the more difficult worlds.  But in the real world, it would be an awesome way to visit places all over the world in a matter of seconds.  You could visit San Francisco, Miami, London, Sydney, and Tokyo in a 24-hour time frame with a few warp whistles!


These elusive items are only found in Super Mario 2, but they can do something that could come in handy.  Much like Evie's finger touch in "Out Of This World" and Zack Morris' "Time Out", stopwatches can stop time for everyone else around you EXCEPT YOU!  Think of the things that you can do!

So, what other items can you think of that could work in the real world?

I still want a Yoshi.

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