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Friday, June 26, 2015

Why You Should Vote For Jem And The Holograms

Well, you guys and gals may have noticed that I have a poll posted in this very blog.  And this poll will give you the power to choose which retro cartoon you want me to review every episode of.

Now, I should state that when I say every episode, I mean every episode.  One entry could be a full 22 minute episode, while another could be an 11 minute half episode.  Apparently the 1980s were popular for half episodes for some reason.

Well, I thought that since I changed the date of the poll to July 15, I thought that I would use this opportunity to make a case for each of the four shows.  That way, it might make you think about your vote a little bit more.

Just to show you what I mean by "reviewing" a show, I'll post a couple of links for you.  Click HERE for "Full House Reviewed" and click HERE for "Saved By The Bell Reviewed".  Mine will follow a similar format - only with less swearing.  I want to keep this blog PG rated so that all audiences can enjoy it.  Not trying to wuss out here.  Just trying to take all ages into consideration.

So, from now until Saturday, June 27, I'll be making a case for one of these shows, just so you can have a bit of an idea as to what to expect in these reviews.

(I'll probably be doing this for the remaining two days as well, so don't be too alarmed if this seems like a bit of regurgitation.  In fact, you've probably noticed that I recopied this whole piece from yesterday!  Don't worry.  We only have today and tomorrow left to get through.

Okay, so we've already pleaded our cases for both Inspector Gadget and The Care Bears Family.  In today's plea to the jury (that's you), I will be offering up some arguments for why you should choose the following show.

So, why Jem and the Holograms?  Why now?

I suppose part of it could be the fact that the show is celebrating their thirtieth anniversary this year, and that a feature film version with real actors is going to be screening in theatres this October.  Mind you, the film trailer was slaughtered by fans as being anything but Jem-like, but I won't be covering that film.

Instead, I'll be reviewing every single episode of Jem that was ever broadcast.  That's 65 episodes in a row, that weekly will take us until next October. 

It's also a show in which I've probably only seen a few of the episodes.  I know that YTV used to air the complete first season over and over again, but this show ran for three years.  There's a whole lot of material that I still have yet to cover.

Oh, and this cartoon celebrates the 1980s with big hair, bigger egos, and enough fishnet stockings to scoop every fish out of the Atlantic Ocean.

So, what can you expect to see if you vote for Jem?  Well, in this case, I'll do this by quotes that I coined.

"Really, Kimber?" - Kimber is the youngest member of the rock band known as Jem and the Holograms...and she also happens to be as dumb as a box of rocks in this entire season.  And yes.  I will point out every single instance of this.  I may even do a tally on how many times she says the word "OUTRAGEOUS!" in the series.  If I remember.

"That's Impossible!" - I will be saying this phrase a lot in this series, as the cartoon does things that are near impossible...even by cartoon standards.  If you pick this option, I hear that episode twelve is filled with many of these.

"What The Hell, Ba Nee?" - Like Kimber, Ba Nee has made some rather ridiculous and dangerous choices over the course of the series.  And yes, I will point out every "What The Hell, Ba Nee" instance that occurs.

(Gee, maybe I should make a drinking game of this show.)

"Poor Stormer" - Stormer is easily considered to be the softie of the Misfits - the rival band of Jem and the Holograms.  And sometimes it causes her to be laughed at or turned on.  I'll point this out in every week it happens.

"Jem/Jerrica Is A Terrible Foster Mother!" - Seriously, how do the Starlight Girls even get through daily life with her in charge?  I mean, she tries her best, but sometimes she deals with her girls as if she had her brain sucked out with a straw!

"Next On The Charts" - I did some research on this show.  Did you know that there were 187 music videos made in this show?  And that 151 of these music videos were original songs?  This means repeats of some songs.  We'll not only review every single one of Jem's songs, but we will also look at videos by the Misfits, the Stingers, the Starlight Girls, some rocker from the 1950s, and some girl named Laura who almost jumps off a roof in a drug-induced haze... thought I was kidding about that last part?  Vote for this cartoon, and you will see if I'm kidding.  I may even throw in a couple of public service announcements to review at that!

But of course, that is if you vote for Jem and the Holograms.

But keep your vote in your mind until I explain the last choice.  The New Archies are on deck to plead their case tomorrow!

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