April 10, 2015
You know, I have to admit that lately I have
been feeling a little bit down. And,
unlike other circumstances in which I've been trying to figure out why that is
the case, this time I think I'm starting to understand why.
I guess there's no easy way to say this, so
I'm just going to come out with it.
Everyone close to me seems to be ditching me.
Wait.
That sounds a might bit melodramatic.
Let's try rewording that last phrase.
Everyone close to me is embarking on new
adventures. Yeah, that sounds much
better and less whiny.
Over the last six months or so, I reckon that
I have seen close to fifteen co-workers leaving the workplace that I am
currently at - fifteen co-workers that I have really grown close to over the
last few years. Some have moved on to
other stores in the district. Some have
gotten new jobs that have nothing to do with retail in general. And some have completely turned their lives
upside down and have fled the city altogether to start a new life in a new
city.
Now, before I go on with this blog entry, I
want to state that I am one hundred per cent happy for each one of these
people. All of them have worked hard
and thought hard about the decisions that have seen them leave our workplace,
and I am definitely pulling for them.
At the same time, there's a part of me that
is always going to miss them because of the fact that these people truly became
really good friends, and they became people that I absolutely trusted. And I don't care who you are in this
world. It is extremely hard to find
that special bond or a connection with a person, let alone an entire sector of
a workplace, school, church, or other public gathering place.
I know.
I've had trust issues my whole life.
What many people probably don't know about me
is that I tend to be a really closed book when I first meet people. I know it seems incredibly hard to believe,
considering that over the last four years, I've pretty much wrote my whole
biography in cyberspace for anybody to read.
(Though granted, the pop culture references
sort of mask some of the secrets I've shared that - well - aren't secrets
anymore.)
But if one were to sit down with me and have
a chat at a coffee house or restaurant booth - especially if we're just meeting
up for the first time - it is more difficult for me to open up to people.
Because I'm still trying to feel you out.
In my youth, I made the mistake of trusting
people too quickly. Oh, I was so
sociable and friendly, and told people anything and everything on my mind - and
unfortunately those people took everything I said and used it to make me feel
bad about myself. And I admit that
after putting my trust in people only to get burned, there was a time in my
life where I just decided that it wasn't worth getting to know anybody.
Here's a bit of a confession to all of you -
especially those of you who have been reading this blog and who might have only
known me for a year or two. For the
first six months that I was working at my current job, I never really
interacted with ANYONE. In our employee
lounge, I was more or less an observer than I was a participant. I would sit in a corner watching everyone
else interacting with each other, wondering how they did it so easily, while I
was having trouble.
I think that it took me a total of six months
to try and feel people out. I began
with befriending people who were around my age first, and from there I started
befriending people who were older than I was.
Once I started to get to know them, I began to open up more. Granted it took a lot of time for me to do
so, but the end result was worth it.
And now, here it is, ten years later, and
many of them have now gone off on their own directions, and once again, I kind
of feel the same way that I did ten years ago.
I feel as though I'm starting all over again, and I am once more hiding
in a corner in the lunch room observing, rather than participating.
I know that my friendships with those who
have left are going to continue for years after the fact...but somehow, it's
just not the same.
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