This
is a statement that I am not denying in the slightest.
My
name is Matthew, and I am a chocoholic.
Seriously,
I cannot get enough of chocolate. If I
can, I will eat at least a little bit of it every day as long as I live.
In
fact, I can remember what one of my very first experiences was with
chocolate. While my parents have told
me that my very first taste of chocolate was through a "Jersey Milk"
chocolate bar, I seem to remember "Junior Mints" being a very huge
part of my childhood. Plain M&M's
were also a huge part of childhood snacking, and I have yet to resist the
irresistible combination of chocolate and peanut butter.
Reese,
I'm looking at you for fueling my PB&C addiction here.
Chocolate
is one of the reasons why Easter, Halloween, and February 15 are my favourite
days of the year. Easter and Halloween
because of all the chocolate that is available, and February 15 for all the
chocolate that is 50% off! Take that,
Valentine's Day lovers!!!
However,
while I have a love affair with most chocolate treats, there are some chocolate
confections that I would not touch with a thirty foot pole.
While
it is difficult for me to find ways in which chocolate would forever be ruined,
I have found seven ways in which doing this to chocolate would guarantee that I
would not eat it.
Now,
keep in mind that this is merely my own list of personal tastes. You may agree with me on this one. You might also disagree with this list as
much as you want. Believe me, I like
hearing from you.
So,
here we go. The seven things that will
forever ruin chocolate for me.
1.
Chocolate Covered Strawberries
Now,
I know what you're thinking. Chocolate
covered strawberries might just be one of the greatest inventions ever made in
the confection world. It could even be
used as one of the greatest aphrodisiacs in the world. Seriously, chocolate covered strawberries
can be a necessity when your mood is flavoured with passion and intensity.
Or,
so I've heard anyway.
There's
just one problem with chocolate covered strawberries that ruins them for
me. I'm allergic to strawberries. You pop one of those things in my mouth and
believe me - it's anything but sexy.
2.
Chocolate Covered Cherries
Or,
maybe I just have something against dipping fruit in chocolate to begin with. Chocolate is delicious on its own. Cherries are one of my favourite fruits in
the whole world. I can eat a whole bag
of fresh cherries from the produce department in one sitting. Therefore, I should be able to enjoy
cherries covered in chocolate, right?
Wrong.
I
don't know what it is about chocolate covered cherries, but I find them
absolutely disgusting. Maybe I'm
thinking of those Queen Anne cordial cherries that one might get at Christmas,
but I can't do it. Chocolate and
cherries are a horrible flavour combo for me to digest.
Though
if you had apples or bananas at the chocolate fondue fountain, those I could
do.
3.
Chocolate and Coconut
Sometimes
you feel like a nut. Sometimes you
don't. Almond Joy has nuts. Mounds don't.
But
you know what both Almond Joy and Mounds have?
Coconut. And do you know why I
will never eat an Almond Joy or Mounds bar?
Coconut.
Now,
I think in the case of coconut, it's definitely a texture thing. I can drink coconut milk without much
problem. I can do a little bit of
coconut flavour in tropical blend yogurts and fruit juices.
And
yes, I do like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.
But
take tasteless, chewy, haystack like shredded coconut and cover it in
chocolate? Yeah, you can have it. I don't want it.
4.
Chocolate with TOO MANY NUTS
You
know, I have a love-hate relationship with nuts, and much like coconut, it is a
texture thing.
I've
already mentioned how much I love peanut butter. But surprisingly enough, I can't stand peanuts themselves. It sounds strange, I know, but I don't like
the texture of peanuts, and for the most part, I tend to avoid chocolate bars
that have a huge supply of nuts - with the exception of Snickers, as the
caramel and nougat overpower the taste and texture of the peanuts inside.
But
a Pay Day bar? Can't do it. An Oh Henry bar? Again, can't chew it. And
don't even get me started on that disgusting "Eat More" candy bar,
the bar that is more nutty than chocolaty.
Eat More may very well be the one candy bar that makes me eat less.
5.
Chocolate Covered Marshmallows
I've
never really been a marshmallow fan to begin with. Sure, I used to eat Lucky Charms cereal for the marshmallows, but
that was when I was seven and my taste buds were bland. Now that I'm older, I don't really like
marshmallows all that much (unless they are part of a S'more or a Rice Krispie
Square). And while marshmallow eggs,
pumpkins, and Santas are top selling candies for Easter, Halloween, and
Christmas, they aren't a favourite of mine.
Again, it's not that they taste bad...just that it wouldn't be my first
choice in how to enjoy chocolate.
6.
Making chocolate TOO dark
I
once made the mistake of believing that baker's chocolate was just as tasty as
the kind of chocolate bars that you would find at a candy store. You know, those little blocks of chocolate
that you would use for brownies, chocolate pies, and drizzle for chocolate
cakes? Well, don't do it. Baker's chocolate is about as bitter as
chocolate can get, and one bite of that stuff soured me on chocolate for all of
four minutes.
(Well,
that's how long it took my mom to bring out the good stuff anyway.)
Now,
I'm not saying that I am totally against dark chocolate. I do like Hershey's Special Dark and I am
still bitter that Cadbury made their Caramilk Dark bars for only a short
time.
But
those Lindt chocolate bars that are 70% and 85% real cocoa? Yeah, that's one way to turn me off
chocolate.
7.
Chocolate Covered INSECTS
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